oh is your heart still mine for sale?

it is very likely that from now on, june will be my most hated month.  it was always one of my favorites.  
summer is almost half way gone and not one moment was enjoyed.
a song i loved and listened to on repeat {but had never read the title to} turned out to be just another heartbreak. 
who will i begin to be, i wonder?   only emptiness enters my mind.
maybe red will change things for me?
but i still want the same things.
i'm not ready for any of it yet and i'm sorry.   

to my dad...

happy father's day to my dad... he is an incredible man and i am more than lucky to have him as my dad.   how many dads will go on a 4 hour drive with you and talk the whole way?  how many dads watch sappy, sad movies with you and cry more than you do?  how many dads still take your mom on date nights once a week and not only that but truly love spending that time with her?  how many dads still tell your mom how beautiful she is and how much he loves her?  how many dads love to play basketball {prison rules only} with their 10 children?  how many dads just call to say "i love you?" how many dads would give up a job, money, the world and anything for their family?  how many dads love being a dad as much as my dad?  my list could go on and on, but my point is, there certainly aren't many and that is why i'm so lucky.   i love you dad... thanks for being you,  thanks for setting such a great example of what a good father and husband truly is,  thanks for being so good to me and thanks for being my dad.   happy father's day to the best dad around.

test 1

although it was terribly tough, it was good to be forced to get back into the swing of things...  it doesn't hurt as much to be surrounded by beautiful things.

endless torture

how does one begin to learn to walk again, breath again and live again?  who knows... but i guess i am about to find out.  wish me luck...

in a lonely place

a certain kind of death

is it strange to say that right now, i honestly think i would feel better dead?  don't worry friends, this isn't a call for help.  i'm not going to do anything stupid.  it's just how i feel.  and right now i feel like being honest.

i guess it really is true... sometimes love just isn't enough.